Shameless. There's no way around it. We are shameless.

Hi folks.

As we sit here, staring at each other like we so often do, we are faced with the question:

Are we really going to do this?

The answer, after a lot of deliberation, is yes.

Here's the deal. Remember back in January when we said that we were under no circumstances going on the NKOTB Cruise?

As of about 11:00 this morning that was still the case. Actually it's still the case, but a very interesting opportunity has since arisen. We're not exactly sure what it would entail, but we know that we can't do it unless we are on that boat. That phone call, combined with the sudden awful realization that we are actually not going to be on that cruise, has led to a very frantic afternoon.

How is it possible that we made that decision? Are we really that responsible? We're not nearly as noble and virtuous as we like to pretend that we are. It's the New Kids on the Block. It's Kim's birthday. It's a fucking boat. WHAT WERE WE THINKING???

So we did some soul-searching. We went back and read that post that we wrote. We are still not willing to go into debt to go on the cruise. But we really want to do this "assignment."

We are about to sell our dignity. Happily, we've sold it for a lot less previously.

We know that a lot of you have enjoyed following along with our adventures. Would you say that we've provided you with at least $5 worth of enjoyment? If not, don't you think Kim's birthday is worth $5? We're actually doing this. We're asking you to donate to the Project NKOTB cause.

Below is the button you can click on, if you can forgive us, to donate to our next adventure. It's a secure PayPal account. It won't take you to a Nigerian prince, and nobody is going to try to sell you Viagra. Well maybe somebody will, but it won't be due to that link.
[Link has been removed by us to prevent further donation, bless you all]

We are suggesting a $5 donation. If you leave your address, we will send you a postcard from the cruise (or an acceptable alternate location, if that is not possible). Official ProjectNKOTB action figures will be given for donations of $50 or more. If you donate a really obscene amount (Hi Donnie!), we'll figure something really special out.

We aren't looking to become millionaires. We just want to cover our cruise passage, airfare, and associated fees.

If, for whatever reason, we don't receive enough donations, we will put the money received towards other summer tour expenses.

We are on the verge of being mortified about doing this, but we really don't know what else to do. Two weeks isn't enough time to recover from black market kidney donation, we're too old to sell our eggs, and prostitution is still illegal in MN. Also, Community Ed. doesn't yet offer a "how to make $4000 in two weeks " class.

Please forgive us. We'd forgive you for much worse. We probably have. And we hope you would do the same.



XOXO,HOLLA!
Kim and Alexis

Are We Really Doing This?

Or: Des Moines to Green Bay via St Paul...



We woke up quite early in Des Moines to prepare for all of the driving we had ahead of us. We had been up quite late at the bar the night before so it was quite a struggle. Thank DW for track suits! No one talked much on the way back to St Paul. It had been a long couple of days. And I was afraid that if I spoke it would be trying to convince Kim that we didn't NEED to go to Green Bay. I was a tired little girl. We all were and the thought of getting back into a car to drive another 5 hours made me ill. So, I kept my mouth shut. Kim offered a consolation prize by suggesting that maybe we didn't NEED to go to Lily Allen that Saturday. I conceded and within a few hours our tickets were re-allocated via some FaceBooking.

We pulled into my driveway and began the task of unloading everyone's stuff from the mini-van. It was really hard to take my stuff out of the mini-van and put it into Kim's car when my bed was so close. I didn't even go into my house for fear that I wouldn't leave. Lisa and Tiffany took the van back to the airport and Kim and I headed out for Green Bay.

On our way we stopped at Taco John's for lunch. Normally, we wouldn't tell you what we had for lunch (because who really cares) but I had been craving potato ole's for the entire trip and it had become quite an obsession. Thanks Kim for letting me pick our lunch spot, although I am sure it was only to make me shut up.

After lunch we hit the road again. The drive wasn't as bad as we thought it was going to be. We took turns driving and sleeping and before we knew it we were in Green Bay. It was the first time for both of us visiting the lovely green city. We did not see a bay anywhere although our travels were quite limited to the block surrounding our inn. The illustrious Lambeau Field Days Inn. It was as beautiful as you would expect.

We met up with our friends at The Bar (actual name). It was good to see Kim, Melissa and Nicole who had also driven from the Twin Cities for the show. They stayed with Trisha, who lives nearby.



The clock was ticking near show time so Kim took off to start getting ready. She always goes first because her beauty regime takes much longer than mine. She has more hair. I stayed behind and had another cocktail. After I got ready we headed out for the show.

Keeping with our new tradition of eating dinner, we ate Wisconsin bratwurst and sweet potato fries for dinner at the venue. We felt fancy eating sweet potato fries instead of regular fries standing next to a trash can. We loaded up with one more malternative beverage (in a paper cup, with a lid and a straw) and went and found our seats. Loaded with magnets and stickers we headed out into the crowd to pimp our wares. As usual, we met a lot of awesome people. Some of which are here:















The show was awesome (duh). Photos are here

Highlights:







Hi, hand!






Our friend Kim T. got her Cheesehead hat onto the stage.



I tried to get it back at the end of the show but our friend Chris told me that Jon wanted to keep it. Kim was ok with that.

Hi, smoke machine!




Donnie is "one smoooove fella"

to make that look good.



The Pose-Off (part 1)


Part 2 ("Jordan's left thumb went up Donnie's ass")








We are so cute in this picture


After the show, we headed back to The Bar to try and meet up with our friends Chrissy and Jenny who we spent time with in LA but we were too tired to do much but sit and stare at each other. We do that a lot. They were playing vintage 1990 music videos (including Step By Step) on the televisions which entertained us for a little bit.

We called it a night, and went back to the hotel. I laid out of all the tour-themed gear that I had in my bed. Not pictured are the ILAA NKOTB hat, the Face Time Skull (actually alien) wristlet, the charm bracelets (Project NKOTB and the ILAA version), the Face Time tote bag and the Face Time camp chair.


We went to bed, woke up, ate gas station ice cream for breakfast and headed back home.

Somewhere during our travels we started talking about grain explosions. We were talking about it the previous day with Becky, who has been to the Mill City Museum in Minneapolis. We're not quite sure how we landed on the topic again, but we were intrigued about how mills have a tendency to explode. I Googled it (holla at the iPhone) and we learned that grains are actually very flammable. This was illustrated by the example of a burning marshmallow. Pudding mix is also quite flammable, per the internets. And now you know.

We finally made it back to St. Paul and this journey ended. We were exhausted. We are freaking old. 1600 miles and three shows in three nights is stretching our limits. It was fun though!!!

xoxo HOLLA!

Oh yes we did.

Donnie's Twitter Cult's next set of instructions:

PT 1. Okay- here's what I want you to do. Get a camera (video or still picutre) and any piece of green clothing you can find (Celtic Green).

PT 2. Put on some GOTH makeup. Make a video or pic of yourself (NON PORNOGRPHIC/NO NUDITY) doing a twisted/helena inspired dance or pose!

PT 3. Remember you have to wear green clothing and some dark ass makeup and do a pose or dance from the video twisted/helena! Don't trip!

PT 4. After you have shot the pic or video- you will post it on the myspace page that I will tweet to you in 15 minutes!

PT 5. Don't be afraid. If you are- don't do it. If you wanna have fun and get a little bit twisted yourself- DO IT! This is pt 2 of my plan.

Post your pictures / videos on the twisted helena page:

The next stage will be posted once we get 250 videos / pictures AND 100,000 hits AND Donnie gets 50,000 Twitter followers. LETS GET THIS!

AND post pictures and videos HERE You will be able to see everyone's pictures and videos there also!

Ahem. We may have rolled our eyes for a few minutes... but fueled with vodka, Red Bull, wine, and pizza, we conned the children into doing it.

Yeah, they're not dancing. Yeah, they're not wearing goth makeup. Yeah, "wearing" the green is kind of pushing it... but they were rewarded with Root Beer and Ginger Ale, so all's fair, we think.



Also, if you're not friends with us elsewhere on the internet, what are you waiting for?
On MySpace
On Facebook
On Twitter

Have a great Sunday!

Because there are more than three of you out there...

...add a handful of zeros behind that 3 and we might be in the ballpark.


Per Donnie's request via Twitter:


Step 1- click on the link that follows these instructions and watch this very twisted video that I found......
Twisted Helena


Step 2- watch it again and really look at how twisted it is....

Step 3- share the link with, or send the link to, or tell AT LEAST 3 people or friends to watch it as well.....

Please follow those instructions. Step 4- will come over the weekend! Remember- this is only the begining of our twisted little game!!

Remember- Watch twice, pass it on to three people minimum and wait for more twisted instructions. Holla!!



So what are you waiting for?

Happy Earth Day!

First things first. Did you have a good Earth Day? Did you plant a tree? Did you forgo the use of disposable plastic bags? Did you wipe your butt with a spotted owl? Good.

Here's the image that was supposed to be the point of this post - Jon hating pollution and all that:



Now on to more pressing issues... As I was digging through my pink metal lunchbox with the skulls all over it (thanks Mindy!) where the cards are currently stored, I came across these two... I stared at them. They stared back at me. I scratched my head. I second-guessed myself. I Googled... And I came to the conclusion that I was not, in fact, going crazy.



What in the world? I don't remember this glaring error from the first time around. Do you?

Five Brothers and a Million Sisters...

I love that so much.

Anyway, it looks like Joe has a "new" song... He performed it last night at the Hollywood Palladium. It sounds like a few new verses about this whole experience, combined with the end of the medley that he's been doing. I didn't really know what to call that last portion of it, because it has a few lines from Because of You, but most of it is "new" material. Maybe it will be permanently incorporated into this "new" tune?

Yes, I am fully aware that I used quotation marks three times for the same word in the previous paragraph. I haven't had coffee yet.

Anyway, check it out.


Thanks to melidmn for uploading the clip.

Have a great day!

This Post Is Brought To You By the I-80 Truck Stop

Project NKOTB's Spring Tour, Continued...

The morning after the show in Champaign, we were up and at 'em early again. Shocking. This time it was okay, because we had a long-ish drive to Des Moines. We had to arrive in time for four of the five of us to shower and get ready for the 5 Star festivities, which were starting at 4:30. In a nutshell, we had to hustle.

We stopped for lunch at the I-80 truckstop. A very sweet lady who was unfamiliar with digital cameras took our photo by a big red truck


The gift shop was full of all sorts of things that you never knew you needed. Unicorns! The official magical creature of Project NKOTB!

We spent a good amount of time on the highway between Champaign and Des Moines Twanking people. Another post is needed to fully describe the hilariousness of Twanking.

When we finally arrived in Des Moines, we noticed some people gathered around the back of the arena, which was across the street from our hotel. Some girls who were on their way back from there told us that most of the guys were in their buses. The two of us, plus Lisa and Tiffany, had to get ready for 5 Star, but Becky took this opportunity to finally try to get some Face Time. She headed off towards the buses, and the rest of us got ready for the show.

Our friend Katie arrived shortly after we did, with our friend Peggy in tow! She totally surprised us! Good one, Peg. And good one Katie, for keeping it a secret. It was such a nice surprise!

The five of us (Katie had 5 Star too) on our way to the arena... Aren't we cute?


After walking through a Des Moines windstorm up a mountain to the venue we took our place in line where we ran into some other Minnesota folks. Seriously, with all the traveling that the girls from Minnesota do you think they would honor us with another show! We saw no less then 10 people that we have met in the past from here!

When we made it to the ILAA check in table we found out that instead of assigning group letters as in the past they had numbered the laminates. Luckily it looked like we were all going to be in the same group. As usual the ILAA folks looked less then pleased to be doing their jobs and were less than pleasant. What ever happened to customer service?

I think that Alexis was feeling a bit bitchy. At one point she noticed that one of the security guards was laughing and making fun of the excitment in the room when the boys finally entered and took it upon herself to let him know what she thought of him. "Listen buddy, you are making fun of the boys in the wrong place. There are 150 women in this room who wouldn't hesitate kicking your ass for messing with them." She later approached him to ask him a question and he backed up in fear of her.

After the usual arena appetizer buffet and white wine it was finally our turn to be herded through for our pictures. It was the five of us and two other Minnesota girls in the picture that we had met at the MOA. Holla at Neecee and Dawnie!! Wow, those few minutes fly by! You would think that we would be better prepared but it was still a blur. Highlights: Alexis telling Joe that when she announced her fake engagement to him on Facebook many people (including her parents) kind of believed it. It came out a lot creepier than it actually was. He didn't seem too impressed. Donnie blessed us and hugged us no less than five times after Alexis yelled at him. He said "But we are playing in Minnesota!" and she snapped back "NO YOU ARE NOT!" We told him this was our 10th show and his hands were placed on our heads and we were blessed. It was like Easter came early!



After leaving the festivities, we found our friend Becky, who got her long-awaited Face Time with Donnie. Lucky, lucky girl!

We also ran into Heather and Sadie, so we posed for our ceremonial pre-show photo:


The show was awesome, as usual. We had great seats. 3rd row (technically 6th row, per our tickets) from the center of the stage. We took about a million photos. They are heavy on the Donnie this time around. The entire set is here

A few highlights:








We're wondering if anybody is keeping track of the number of times Jordan gets the velcro on his shirt lined up. As far as we've seen he's 0 for 10.










We got a few video clips this time around too.

The end of Joe's Medley. We could watch this one million times and not be sick of it. [edited to add: this is what has since become known as "Five Brothers And A Million Sisters"


Donnie's rap in the middle of Click Click Click


The first part of the Pose-Off, including three do-overs. Listen for Alexis screaming "ReDo! That Was Horrible!" at 0:11

We both want to learn that move that Jordan does in the second try... and be able to do it without hurting ourselves.

The second part (Kim has an itchy trigger finger... oops), where they attempt to spell out IOWA. It's also got a great version of the "Let's Get This/Jon Song"


Lisa and Tiffany even made it on the big screen during Joe's medley.

This caused a bit of a riff in Alexis and Lisa's relationship. There were some words exchanged later about it

We didn't hang out by the buses after this show. It was cold, INSANELY windy, and we were exhausted. We did have enough energy to meet our friends at the hotel bar for a round... We played an impromptu round of New Kids trivia, organized by some random guy who was at the bar. Little did he know that the teams were both friends, and there was no way anybody would lose. Even in sudden death, and even with the opposite team writing the questions. There was a round of shots, which we recall being gross. They might have been good. It was a long day.

Most people couldn't hang very long (are we getting old?) and headed to bed. Alexis, Katie and Peggy stayed for a little bit longer. As Alexis was paying her tab at the bar she was approached by someone who recognized her from the blog. She would like to apologize if she seemed off but she was pretty dead to the world at that point. We were over 1000 miles and two concerts into our trip and she normally goes to bed at by 9pm. It is always great to meet fans and we would love to hear from you again.



Coming soon... The Bodies Revolt. AKA Des Moines > St. Paul > Green Bay.

Holla!
xoxo,
Kim and Alexis

A well-deserved shout-out

Like many people who have blogs, we use a program to track our visitors. It's awesome... we can see where people are located, how long they've stayed, how many pages they've clicked on, etc. Our favorite feature is the "search terms" statistic. We are able to see what search terms people used in order to land on our blog. We're keeping a running list, and there will be a post about that someday, but we felt an immediate desire to shout out to a person in Denver, CO. He or she found our site by searching Google Images for:

"hot chicks with douchebags NKOTB"

That person stayed on our site for more than six minutes.

We did the search ourselves, and the photo of our Barbie alter egos with the NKOTB dolls, on the stage at the Mall of America.

We find this awesome for so many reasons. SO many reasons.

Holla!

To tide you over.

Real life is hard to come back to after a trip to New Kids land.

The Des Moines & Green Bay recaps are coming soon, as well as a few guest blogs, but until then...

So, Is The Beer Lube Done Being Made?

Or, St Paul to Champaign via Pleasoning

If you ask Drew what his Saturday morning was like he would say, "A bunch of Alexis's friends started bouncing around the house at 7am getting ready to leave for their pilgramage in a rented mini-van."

Once everyone had arrived at my house we headed out for the airport to pick up our awesome RENTED mini-van. We took Drew's car out there and about half mile from my house my phone rang. "Ummm, are you bringing my car back?" "No Drew, we all left our stuff in the front lawn and are taking your Jeep on our road trip. Didn't we tell you?"

We think we made the rental man quite nervous. There was a series of questions about who was actually driving the car and when we said, "All five of us" it only made it worse. However when I decided to asked if the outside of the car had to be clean if say, we drove through a mud storm or wrote on the car with pink paint I think that we almost gave him a heart attack. The final straw was when he asked where we were going and Lisa responded, "You know, just driving. Driving around."

We finally got the car back, we loaded it up and decorated it up.



We hit the road and stopped for lunch at the Norske Nook near Osseo, WI.


At this restaurant we discovered another Wisconsin original "invention" Pleasoning. Pleasoning is a special blend of garlic salt, grains and MSG. Wisconsin is great. Not only is it home to the Beer Lube, but it is also home to Pleasoning.

We drove for a bit, but pulled over when we saw this:


We traveled on down the road, to The Home of The Beer Lube in Deforest, WI.



We first encountered this mecca of awesomeness back in October of last year on the way home from Chicago. We were too tired then to realize what a treasure was on the other side of the parking lot. We were fully able to explore The Home Of The Beer Lube on our way home from Milwaukee on the Megabus. At that time, The Beer Lube was still being manufactured. It was developed in those big yellow trailers.

Well, guess what? THEY PERFECTED THE BEER LUBE!!!! And I can only say that it was worth the wait. Now, you don't have to choose between having a beer and doing it (TM)!

We met Roger "Story" Beer, Esq. III who was super nice to us. Not only do we have a lifetime discount on The Beer Lube, but he was nice enough to give us each a Beer Lube T-Shirt.


Holla at Rog! We are hoping for a Beer Lube endorsement deal. We will pimp The Beer Lube ALL OVER TOWN if it gets us another show...or five.

After a few more hours, we finally arrived in Champaign, IL. The iHotel was wonderful. The rooms were a bit small but they were beautiful and the service was amazing. After a quick dinner at the attached Houlihans we headed to bed. We had work to do in the morning and needed our beauty rest.

In typical Project NKOTB fashion, we were awake by 6:30 AM. We are physically incapable of sleeping in. It's really freaking annoying. We decided to make the most of the day and do some bus stalking. Five women were awake, showered, dressed, made up, and ready to leave the room by 9:00 AM. Sick, wrong, and yet totally expected.

Also in typical Project NKOTB fashion, it was cold and rainy. All of our cute Face Time gear that we made was covered in many layers of jackets. We were very grateful for our Face Time camp chairs.


The entire day of bus stalking was fruitless, aside from a Twitter from Jon about the crazy bus stalkers standing in the rain, and Chris Coleman (not our mayor) coming out to say hi. He was thrilled to have his photo taken with the Project NKOTB action figures. He made sure that his new friend got in on the action.


Even the promise of cookies couldn't lure them out...
Betcha didn't know that you could safety pin things to trees...

After several hours in the cold rain and snow, we decided to pack it in. We heart the New Kids, but we're not willing to risk hypothermia. We freshened up and headed to Houlihan's an hour early for our pre-party.

Holla if you see yourself!


















Holla at our road trip sisters!






Holla at Ben S., our insanely patient waiter, who tried to work it so we could have New Kids tunes playing (unfortunately, Houlihan's is contractually obligated to play the Houlihan's Muzak Channel 24/7)




The Jabbawockeez were more entertaining than we'd expected. Neither of us watched that show that they were on (even though Alexis hearts JC Chasez in a sick kind of way) so we really didn't know what to expect.

Our seats were at the back of the arena for this show, in the first section of risers. It wasn't so bad, since the floor only seemed to have about 20 rows of seats. Our view of the B stage was beyond amazing. When it was elevated, we were at eye level with them. It was almost surreal...

The new opening:

We both agree that we like Single better as an opener. We could write a whole post about this, but we'll leave it for another day.

A few photos. The rest are here

We both hate this one (we look bad), but check out the cute shirts we made :)




Check our view of the B Stage:




Seriously - check this view.


O Hai Jordan










We stood outside for about five minutes after the show, but it was FREEZING. And we were TIRED. Tiff was a trooper and stayed until after midnight, but she finally gave up and came back to the hotel after a security guy said they'd be bringing Donnie out on a cart because he'd hurt his back. She figured it wasn't worth bothering an ailing man at that point... She reported to us that there were at least 30 cars idling nearby, waiting to follow the bus when it left.

Stay tuned for the Champaign > Des Moines adventure... coming soon!

XOXO, Holla, Aloha, Shakalaka boom,
Kim & Alexis